I’m Worth It.

FUCKIN’: THE PURELY PHYSICAL ACT OF SEXUAL INTERCOURSE. CONSISTS OF VERY LITTLE PLANNING, LITTLE TO NO FOREPLAY, AND EMOTIONS ARE PROHIBITED.

As a young woman, I have had my share of regretful sexual encounters. Thankfully, every brute who dared to tilt my crown wasn’t granted access. But, there have been a few who swindled me out of my treasure. You know the type. Pretty, flashy, slick-talker by day, and scaly, smelly, snake by night. They seem to notice you from a mile away and act as if their intention is to sweep you off your feet. And as soon as you suppose you are smitten, he pulls the mink rug from under your pedicured feet, tip-toeing off into the night with your crown, jewels, and the rug, too.

You are left alone and confused, wondering how to label these events. “We were talking? No…Relationship? No..A love affair?? Not even close…” You got fucked. You, me, and her too. The jerk you hold responsible might be the same me and her too have been swindled by. You anticipated passion and intimacy. You got rough, hot, uncomfortable (maybe even painful) sex. Plain old sex. He cared nothing about your background, your goals, your family. You begin to realize how blind you were during your, uh..rendez-vous.

“How dare he?!” you begin to ask. Your closest friends listen and console you, and the common advice each gives is the reassurance that you are worth it. Worth what? Everything. The romance, the love, the intense emotion shared between you and your Prince Charming. When you realize this, it’s an insult for anyone who dares call himself a man to even approach you in a manner purely related to sex. Sex is sacred, and it is special. Just like your body. Your mind, body, and spirit are united as one, and if you continuously give one away, the balance is off. Stay centered. To engage in such a barbaric lifestyle baffles me. Who can actually enjoy fucking so often? These lowly, undesirable snakes we allow into our bodies!

The lesson? Keep your grass cut, and never, EVER wear a tilted crown!