FML.

Live our life AND Sprinkle some love along the way?? How bout we say Fuck that?

I love love. It lets me be myself. I’m tired of love though. I’m tired of the way it makes me hope & try for nothing. Everybody in my life always wants something from me. I’m tired of waking up every morning to texts & missed calls from people who want me. (Maybe this is what I prayed for?) I’m tired of the stress of y’all & they. I love y’all, but DAMN, don’t nobody love me? I’m sick of horny dogs & slick sick people.

Damn! This shit is unbelievable sometimes. A getaway can’t even be a getaway because something always getting in the way. I’m trying my best. To be what everybody needs. I’m tired of hearing my name. So tired of the questions. Of having all (some of) the answers.

But loneliness is a bitch. I’m lonely as hell usually. Most times I just wanna (DIE) bc I figure my life doesn’t really have meaning. What would the world be without me? I’m ready to die anyways bc I don’t wanna try anymore. I don’t want the hard parts before he gives into me. I’m tired of always being strong. Always respecting myself. ALWAYS sending boyfriends back to their girlfriends (insert eye roll). What about my man? The one I trust blindly while being insulted about my lack of sex game to the next chick who ain’t got nothing for him? Where’s the one who gone complain I don’t look attractive while selfishly ignoring these (THREE) babies I done birthed for him?? Hmm?? I’m wondering where he at bc I’d like to pass the reigns of “other woman option” on to someone else now. Someone younger, sexier, smart (see what I did there?).

I love because I don’t have a choice. But, I know myself. I overreact often. But, my dramatics pulled a man in. My dramatics also pushed him away. Those same dramatics took on offensive positions & kept him. My love is fluid. Long suffering. Vulnerable! I learn my love daily.

My love makes me still want a good man while I’m staring evil & cheating in the face. Cheating: It’s nothing to do with age. It’s nothing to do with common sense. Maybe insecurity and lack of knowledge. (Thank God!!!) I’ve reached the place where cheating does not seem like the worst thing in the world. (Praise Him!!!) I feel nothing when doubts (pick a doubt, any doubt) creep in about this man I been lovin on lately. I really like him because he intrigues me. His perspective, I’m interested in it (if only he would talk to me). I don’t bug him for answers, yet I’m met with resistance. His love is severely damaged. (Is he damaged goods?) What does he need from me? He said what he wanted & I see what he’s trying to be. One thing for sure, he real as hell to me. & that’s all a nigga want! Real. Make me believe casualties are minor and only love lives in the major leagues.

(You wanna be major league with me?)