MENtal Patience.

I’m sad right now. The woman I’m becoming won’t accept being treated like the woman I used to be.

Where there’s passion, there’s fire. This truth still doesn’t justify accepting someone’s bs. My partner has very poor stress management skills. He’s also an empath. And I’m standing in the ruins of the disaster created by such a combination.  His b.s. is the disrespect towards me when he’s mad or otherwise unsettled. He doesn’t compartmentalize. There’s no rationale. A self-centered version of events is all he can recall and use for his “defense”. Always neglecting that there’s no need to defend yourself from someone who is not your enemy- and not your ex.

I’ve already grown tired of this pattern. Sounds like a lotta “woe-is-me”. His triggers are minefield bombs. I can’t avoid them if I don’t know what they are. Of course, I’ve communicated this to him. And of course, he has yet to clue me in.

The worst part about it, is that he’s never considered what my triggers might be as a person with a traumatic past. I’ve done the soul work to make sure my sugar coated shit doesn’t spoil the love I wanna feel. I’ve remained patient and understanding. I’ve communicated these feeling to him before. After several denials and three different explanations for his behavior, nothing has changed. I’m still being ambushed with his toxic reactions to stress.

Being ignored and lashed out at whenever my partner is feeling a way just isn’t what the new me is willing to accept. Especially since sis makes conscious efforts not to hurt the people around her. Sis is angelic, a blessing to all she connects with. Sis deserves a love as fulfilling and enduring as her heart can hold, and her mind will allow. Sis verbalizes her feelings and concerns. Sis is tired of repeating herself to this brick wall head ass man. Sis is me. I am sis.

Sis is leaving if sis don’t see shit change. In the infamous words of Ca$h Money Records’ own Bryan ‘Birdman’ Williams “And I ain’t gone say it no mo’. ”