One of Them Days.
Today is one of them days I just wanna look a mess but I’m comfortable as hell, just chillin with my man. My period on & I want him not to mind. I want him to understand that it’s just a fact of life & I can’t help it.
Last night, my friend came to visit. Know what? I don’t know why I’m being politically correct. This is MY blog, and me & Aunt Flo are NOT friends. I hate that bitch.
So anyway, I came on my period last night. I was protected and felt very confident when I got up intending to change my pad. Until I reached under my bathroom sink & it wasn’t NO pads. Not even one. And all I needed was one! >: ( It was like 4 a.m. and I didn’t know what to do. All I knew for sure was that I had to think fast. The flood was coming over the rolling hills and Moses wasn’t there to help me! Lord, all I could think about was the rushing, gushing red rush. I’m scared of it. I feel like I’m not in control of my body when my period comes. Put a pin in that. I contemplated knocking on my roommate’s door and asking for one. Nah. That would have been too alarming. I waited around some more. I searched Google for 24 stores near me. A whole bunch of random stores came up. Harris Teeter in Cameron Village, Target in Cary. Frustrated with the results, I realized that in my sleepiness I forgot to add “hour” to the search. Turned out the WalMart by my house is open 24 hours! I called just to double check and nobody answered the phone. With my attitude, I wouldn’t have either. Because, what could someone possibly need at 4 in the morning?? Well…
I called my roommate after that. My plan was to blow her phone up and then knock on her door if that didn’t work. But, she answered right away! And she didn’t even sound tired so I didn’t feel that guilty 🙂 Unfortunately, she said she didn’t have any pads. Womp Womp WOOOOOMMMPPP. I surely didn’t feel like driving to WalMart :/ Time was ticking away. “What’s open at five?” I wondered. “Bojangles.” No, Bojangles isn’t gonna help. “GAS STATIONS!!” They usually open all night! Or at least open at very convenient hours! Threw on my jeans & thun thuns and shot up the street to my local gas station and copped some pads. Them shits was four dollars, I didn’t have cash, AND the card reader was broken. BRUHHHHHHH!
The man was like “We can only take credit, sweetie.” This man had no sympathy. Isn’t my bonnet a dead give-away that this is NOT a test??! Then I remembered I have a credit card! I did my best to forget about it since it’s basically maxed out. I used it anyway. I had no choice!
When I left the store, I started to complain. But I had to stop myself and realize that I am blessed. I am blessed with the means of transportation to go anywhere I want at any given time. And I did that by myself. I was living in a hotel at one point (2-6 chronicles coming soon) with one of my ex- friends and she used her child’s diapers one time to catch her period. That ain’t me. I got an apartment that I pay rent on time every month for. I’ve struggled but I do it. Ain’t never been late. Not once. And I been doing this for two years, now. I looked up in the midst of these thoughts and saw the most perfectly beautiful crescent moon. It was orange. The sky was pitch black. Incredible.
I didn’t share this with the guy I’m talking to because I didn’t feel like not getting the type of response I wanted. I want the man Imma be with on one of these nights to know all the meanings behind what I’ve just said. To see the beauty in my ability to see the signs and not label it as weirdness. To have his own perspective on my experience and share them with me. To feel my pain and be grateful he wasn’t in that situation. To wish he could have been there to prevent all that from happening. I can admit, I did feel his missing presence. I wished he was there, too- whomever “he” is. Whomever “he” may or may not be. (Being more open to possibilities has made me slightly pessimistic). I want him to look at me as a thing of beauty as I sit here with my boobies hangin’ planning my plans. Popping Midol. With a fucked up leave- out.
Will you love me when my leave-out fucked up?