Last Tuesday.
*face palm* I’m having a hard time accepting this one thing. In a phase of accepting everything for what it is, how ironic it is that I can’t accept the obvious.
“Oh, I KNOW I’m ready for a relationship! I just know I don’t want one with you. I found that out a long time ago.” That’s what he said. Last Tuesday.
Last Tuesday while I was sitting in my car, scarfing down some Chick- fil- A before a 5 pm class. He told me that he’s known for weeks that he didn’t want me. I didn’t know what to say. “Bye” just didn’t seem appropriate. “Okay” seemed too nonchalant. Thankfully, he was just getting to work and needed to go. Said he would call me later. While I was typing my “leave me the fuck alone” cutoff text, I received his. “Long story short, you deserve somebody you can can intellectual conversations with. That’s not me” Yes, I DO deserve that! & Clearly it aint you, nigga.
I responded so sweetly. “I understand & I’m okay.” He couldn’t handle it. It was too much nothing. Then, my phone was blowing up with sorry’s and dramatic apologies. Then, he was “admitting” his flaws and insecurities. I still wasn’t phased.
I only have a problem with that conversation because of the reactions of my friends. The infamous wide eyes and gaping mouth. And the “Girl! He said WHAT?!!” Yeap. I was embarrassed. I was so embarrassed. So, I made a joke out of it. A joke about how I should be in the bullshit- taking olympics. Yeap. That’s the only defense I had. What was I gone say to defend myself against an action so stupid? Why was I NOT phased by him saying what he said??
“Oh, I KNOW I’m ready for a relationship! I just know I don’t want one with you. I found that out a long time ago.” That’s what he said. Last Tuesday.