Everything’s Changing.

Lately, I’ve been having flashbacks of my past. I always have- especially since leaving for college. But theses days, almost everything reminds me of something that used to be. I pulled some rolls out of the freezer Sunday morning and started thinking about how my roommate used to make this delicious pulled chicken in the crockpot- always by accident. We would put vinegar in it and tear them rolls UP with that pulled chicken! I’m smiling right now reflecting on it. And it was summertime so we was trying to be health conscious. She always said make her only two rolls but I always made three because them thangs was good. LOL

I think about my old apartment a lot. Now old roomates and coworkers are reaching out to catch up. I guess we all feel the time ticking down since I’m about to graduate. Old flings willing to rekindle. Thoughts of how things used to be in Fayetteville. Just chillin. Thinking about how people fell off after high school. Boys that wanted me all along shooting their shot now that we’re all grown up. And my dad. I’ve settled things with him- finally. He visited me one day when I was coming back from Chicago. He bothered me the whole time I was there and I think he appreciated that I’m still on his side. My grandfather visted me, too, a few months ago. The thing about spirits is that they won’t leave until you acknowledge them. When I first came to school, I was super lonely. I heard this song my dad used to play allll the time. Now, I can’t even think of the words, but I definitely know it when I hear it.

I accept his apologies. I have forgiven him and am able to move forward without the grudge complicating my thoughts. I appreciate the people who are still here with me living life. Those who are witnessing my growth and development. I’m entering a new stage of life. It dawned on me the other day that even my body is still changing. My face is stll maturing and always will. I think I got taller, too. That used to be my biggest fear. My height haunts me everyday like my weight used to do. Now, I just constantly remind myself there’s simply nothing I can do about it. People come in all shapes, sizes, and colors. Me being a taller than average woman doesn’t make me unloveable. It certainly doesn’t make me a freak of nature like I thought. Honestly, I would rather carry my height with dignity to be an example for a younger girl. I love that look little girls give me these days. That same look I used to give older girls. I thought they were so pretty and adult. Little do they know I have nothing together and I’m always barely making it. LOL. But it’s okay. I’m not dead. Some days, that’s the only positive thought I have.

My roles in life have changed, and I’m still the same. Looking at the world with these two brown eyes.